Why parenting in the U.S. sucks!

All across the world, when it comes to what parents want for their kids, there is not much difference, we want them to be happy, healthy and have good values. However, the culture where we raise them as well as the lifestyle differences strongly influence our parenting styles and the way we engage with our kids.

As a mother raising my children in the U.S., I feel constantly overwhelmed, tired, depleted, resentful, and on top of it all, I feel guilty for not “enjoying” motherhood and making the best of the time I spend with my beautiful children that I love more than anything. I keep feeling that parenting is the most difficult job I have ever had, and when I share these thoughts with my American middle class moms, we all share the same feeling.

However, when I go back to my hometown in Ecuador, and spend time with my long-time friends, who are also middle class moms, none of them seems so overwhelmed with motherhood, they are a lot more relaxed and seem to enjoy being moms and have many other things going on in their lives, aside from motherhood and jobs.

The truth is…. being a mom in the U.S.,  sucks!

Although I always try to see the silver lining of things, I also like to be honest, and this is something I feel very strongly about, and I know most of my friends living and parenting in the US share this feeling, but very few would admit to it, as we fear being judged and blamed as ungrateful or incapable mothers.

But the truth is, the American society does not make parenthood easy nor enjoyable, for a number of reasons, such as:

1. The U.S. does not have the type of work policies to properly support families and child care, like other developed nations do.
2.  Extended families have disintegrated over the generations and now most parents are alone raising their children, most of them have no backup and need to rely on costly babysitting or childcare.
3.  Overprotecting our children and being perfect parents has become an obsession in this country, as a result, parents have very unrealistic expectations about how they should raise their children, and an incredible amount of stress.
4.  The sense of cultural individualism and freedom makes it hard for people to rely on one another because we are supposed to “do it alone.” There is a sense of self sufficiency that goes beyond what is humanly possible and reasonable, and that along with the “respect for others’ space”, makes it hard for parents to ask for help.

“In india, the entire community – from relatives and friends – is heavily involved in a kid’s upbringing. the idea that parents are the only caretakers for a child is unheard of. ” – A global Guide to bringing up baby by Jeannette Moninger (Parents Magazine June 2010.)

“With her first two children, Atlanta native MaryClaire King relished her lengthy hospital stays and four months’ paid maternity leaves. With the third, she opted for a three-year leave from her marketing position at IBM France – with the guarantee of the same job and salary upon return.” – European nations offer incentives to have kids by Elizabeth Bryan

It seems like moms in America are stuck in between, they lack the policy support other developed nations have and the community support developing countries have, as a result, our parenting suffers and our children suffer.

Luckily more and more mothers are voicing their needs and their frustrations, and in the past few years there have been best seller books written about this topic, which shows how widespread this feeling is. If you want to read more, here below are some recommended reads:

Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink The author believes working moms are hanging on by a thread. Women have experienced huge work gains in the last few decades, but institutions have failed to keep up, leaving moms with more to do than they can possibly ever make time for.

Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time is about the pressures on working mothers and fathers that lead to a constantly racing heart, consuming guilt and the certainty that they’ve become inadequate at home and at work.

Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety
In this polemic book about contemporary motherhood, Warner argues that the gains of feminism are no match for the frenzied perfectionism of American parenting. In the absence of any meaningful health, child-care, or educational provisions, martyrdom appears to be the only feasible model for successful maternity—with destructive consequences for both mothers and children.

Hopefully all this will bring more public awareness on this issue, which is really important. Children are the future of a society, and mothers are the holding pillars of a family, so it is important to look more closely at the well being of moms, because that determines how healthy our society is, from a human point of view.

Have a Good Week!

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The Rise of Feminine Energy

I have heard so much about the rise of feminine energy, the empowerment of women, The Divine Feminine, the Age of Aquarius, etc. , So I decided to look a little more into what is this all about!
And, please! if you are a man, keep reading, as this is for you too 😉

One thing is for sure, our world has been out of balance for a very long time, and not only our world but also every individual as well, for we have not yet fully embraced within us the energy of the masculine and the feminine, and we all possess both, to some extent. True harmony in the world and within ourselves can be achieved if we find this balance.

Our world has been in a patriarchal system for as long as 6,000 years ago… that is a very long time, during which women have been considered a weaker gender, unworthy, a second class citizen etc. In fact, in many corners of the world this is still true unfortunately. There is a long history of abuse and dominance to break with, and even though in the western world women have achieved certain level of equality, it takes a long time to break through many of the learned patterns.

There is no question that being put down continuously and pervasively for centuries, has affected the women psyche, the feelings of unworthiness and the need for sacrifice and suffering in order to survive, have been passed from generation to generation of women. As for men, they have developed a way of being that has totally suppressed their feminine energy and that has taken a toll on them too. The collective unconscious has also been a factor that has kept these patterns alive in both genders. The balance between masculine and feminine is sorely lacking in our patriarchal world.

Although men have been “in charge,” so to speak, they also need to free themselves from what they perceive as being masculine and manly, as there is a lot of distortion in that. To all the men reading this post, and all the women that have a man in their life I highly encourage you to watch and pass along this video: Tony Porter: A call to men. In patriarchal societies for instance, men are raised to totally suppress their emotions, from a very early age they are told things like: “men don’t cry”, “be a big boy”, etc. It is not ok for men to show their emotions, or else, they are not considered manly… that is wrong, and this is only one small aspect of the whole construct of manliness in our one-sided societies.

Women on the other hand, have achieved equality in many parts of the world, but not really bringing their feminine qualities out and having them validated and respected, but rather trying to emulate masculine qualities in order to be respected and taken seriously amongst men, so their true and most authentic feminine qualities are still being put down, to some extent, in order to be respected in a patriarchal society.

There is however a growing consciousness of this great divide, and more and more men are starting to tune into their feminine energy and more and more women are starting to awaken to the real values of their feminine essence. Some of the main qualities of the feminine energy are: intuition, compassion, creativity, nurture, healing, insight, etc. For the vast majority of women, these qualities are present, even if they are tamed or altogether hidden consciously or unconsciously (very often to attain equality with men and feel stronger.)

The current trend towards more balance between masculine and feminine energy may coincide with an overall planetary and cosmic phenomena that is bringing our planet towards a more harmonious state. According to astrologers the earth entered the Age of Aquarius and left the pisician age somewhere in the past few decades. The Aquarian Age is an astrological time period which is product of the earth’s slow precessional rotation, and lasts for 2,150 years, on average. It is believed that the Aquarian age is a time when consciousness of human kind will be raised.

“the Aquarian Age is a time when our consciousness will be raised, and so it will emphasize humanitarianism and brotherhood. Since the sixties there has been the civil rights movement, the gay rights movement, the animal rights movement, the Native peoples’ rights movement and a realization that the Earth itself is alive. Many New Agers claim these humanitarian movements are a result of the Aquarian energy now coming into the world because Aquarius is a sign which fosters humanitarian values. Aquarius is an air sign which in astrological theory means it is connected with intellectuality and communication. Therefore, New Agers say it is no accident that we now live in the computer and internet age. Aquarius, unlike Pisces, is not a masculine sign, and instead has more of a balance between masculine and feminine energy.” Joseph Waligore, Philosophy professor at Syracuse University.

The idea is not that we will move from a patriarchal society to a matriarchal one, and in turn women will take “revenge” or take up “the power,” that would create further imbalance. Ideally there will be an equal balance of interaction (I don’t even want to use the word power here) and a true cooperation and complementation of both energies, in every human being and therefore in the world as a whole.

It is still hard for women and men, even in open and progressive societies, to fully embrace their feminine energy. Women especially carry the memory genes of ALL the women that came before them. I would like to share a nice article that I read recently, it is a bit long, but interesting in this respect: Why it’s Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound. I think we should understand the “mother” image in this article, not only as our actual biological mother, but as all the women that came before us, and their collective pain, fear, and coping mechanisms as something that affect us all to this day.

It is time for both genders to accept and embrace both energies in them, to realize that we have an incredible potential of growth and fulfillment if we allow this balance to take place within us.

Have a good week!

Related Resources

How to Awaken the Divine Feminine within you (Article)

Womb Wisdom: Awakening the Creative and Forgotten Powers of the Feminine (Book)

Rethinking History and Finding where we are… (If you are interested in learning more about cosmic influence on human consciousness)

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